


Coda 11x19

by LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch



Series: Tumblr Stuff [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Dean Has Realizations, Episode: s11e11 Into the Mystic, Episode: s11e19 The Chitters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:11:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8117719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch/pseuds/LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch
Summary: Meeting Jesse and Cesar makes Dean reevaluate a few things. (I don't know where to backdate fics so sorry if you've already seen this...)





	

Meeting Jesse and Cesar made something deep in Dean Winchester’s mind shift. It was like he had gotten new glasses – or just glasses for that matter: The world was clearly the same but looked fundamentally different. The way he saw his life and quite a lot of his memories changed colour so to speak, from one hue to another, giving them another meaning.

_Every person tells themselves the story of their own life_ , he had once heard someone say, he couldn’t remember who. And now he felt like his own story wasn’t the one he knew anymore. It sure as hell wasn’t the same genre, it had become full of hints and signs and metaphors he had never seen before.

 

> Jesse and Cesar were hunters. And they were a couple.
> 
>  

It had always been Dean’s conviction that love was love and you did damn well to hold onto it when you found it. But this rule was something that applied to others, not him. Sam maybe, because he was better at making stuff like this work. With someone like Eileen or Jody, yeah, Dean could picture that, meeting up on hunts, carving out a life from the pile of rotten crap they had been dealt. Transform the nightmare into something good.

But not him. Hell, a few weeks ago he had even told Sam why this would be a massively dumb idea. Because for Dean, there had only ever been two possible directions his future could take: Leaving hunting behind and settle down for an apple-pie-white-picket-fence-kind-of-life. Clearly, that hadn’t worked out.

At all.

Or being alone – not putting anyone in danger, not making himself vulnerable, seeking whatever comfort he could in nameless countless one night stands. Just keep going, fueled by the knowledge that he helped others and made sure they got a shot at life and love.

Now, he felt like the puzzle pieces of his fucked-up emotions had been used to form a new and different picture. Scattered snapshots of recent events filled in the blank spots. What he saw, with disturbing clarity, was this:

The fact that he missed Cas like a lost limb.

His inability to picture a future for himself without this dumbass in it.

The blurry dreams that let him wake up sweating and panting and aching to feel skin.

The nights when sleep would not come and black haunting loneliness was a breathing thing in the corners of his room.

Him hooking up with ever growing gaps between the events and feeling so goddamn hollow afterwards.

The way the world around him was muted as soon as Cas touched him or he touched Cas.

Mildred looking at him with wise eyes and talking about pining.

The pity in Sam’s eyes.

The surprise in Amara’s eyes.

The mocking glint in Lucifer’s eyes.

The warmth and understanding in Jesse’s and Cesar’s eyes.

Hands on shoulders, heads on shoulders, hands on heads.

“Fuck”, Dean whispered. “I’m in love with him.”


End file.
